Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Snappy answers to stupid interview questions

My current job is starting to show signs of being in jeopardy, so I've started looking into other opportunities to keep myself employed. One problem with looking for a job is having to deal with the same stupid interview questions, time and time again.

Here are some of the answers I'm trying to bite my lip to not blurt out when these kind of questions are asked, with a nod to the great Al Jaffe.

Tell me about yourself.
I started out as a sperm that won the race. Things started to go downhill after that!

What in particular interested you about our company?
Mostly, your ad on [job site] with a vacancy that matched my skills and qualifications.

If you were an animal, which one would you be
A human being animal. Can't you tell?

What are your weaknesses?
I've got so many weaknesses..  fast cars, fast women, cold beer, .. the list goes on!

What would your past managers say about you?
Nothing, if they value their ability to walk on two legs!

Where do you see yourself in five years?
I'm going to retire in three years, so in five years, I see myself two years into retirement.  If my (internet cafe/brewpub/business TBD) in Batu Ferringhi isn't self sustaining by then, I guess I'll need to go out and find another real job!

Does anyone else have any favorite job interview questions?

My new favorite workplace quote, suitable for any occasion where someone asks you to do something for them. I think I might have invented this quote, because I can't find it on the google.
Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to care about that anymore


PCarino said...

Does anyone else have any favorite job interview questions?

You nailed the top ones...I have answered all of these dull and pointless questions many times.

But once I was asked, "Who do you consider to be a hero?"

And I don't remember my answer, but I would have liked to have said, "Vlad the Impaler," or some such.

Nic said...

I'm lucky, up 'til now, I've gotten away with "Where do you see yourself in five years", which I think is one of the most idiotic questions out there. Plans go awry, especially long-term plans.

My sister on the other hand, had some real howlers when she was looking for graduate jobs. The best had to be "What character from Friends would you be?" Little bit of a problem, as she'd never seen it, knew nothing about the characters and could barely tell you the premise of the series. She said as much and then asked how the question pertained to the job.

She didn't get it. I'm pretty sure the employer would have justified the question by saying it provides insight into the interviewee's personality and it certainly did. It showed the interviewer that my sister didn't suffer fools gladly. Probably not the best trait to put on show but if a certain level of intelligence is expected from the candidate, it should also be present in the employer.

maifa said...


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Source: Job interview questions and answers

Best regards